How To Communicate Difficult Feelings
Do you find yourself saying phrases like:
Nobody ever understands me. I am so lonely.
My feelings do not matter to him/her.
I am in so much pain and I have nobody to even talk to.
Every time I think I am communicating my deepest, my most personal emotions to my partner it seems like I am talking to a wall.
He/she does not love me…?
They are not even questions anymore. They are the affirmations that are deeply seated in your neurology. The more you affirm, the more you become what you believe.
Where Focus goes, Energy flows.
Indeed, if you so sure that nobody understands you, chances are that you no longer understand yourself. You are in a trap of your fears, fantasies, stories that you keep saying to yourself. You may be so lost that even the brightest torch has zero chances to direct you. You restlessly are marching the opposite direction. Is it good or bad?
The two primary fears of all humans are: I am not enough and I won’t be loved. And, obviously, your mind is doing anything it can to save you from the immediate pain. Mind is the brain in action. The more you repeat a thought, choice, behaviour, experience, or emotion, the more those neurons fire and wire together and the more they will sustain in a long-term relationship.
Luckily, there is no judgement here. Sadly, there is no manual as well.
Your only navigator is your soul and its whispering. And I know you don’t hear it, yet.
I had a pleasure of running a wonderful workshop last night in the CBD of my beloved Sydney. We had a great chance to open up some painful questions about communication with our loved ones. And, who has never been there? Who has never experienced the pain of miscommunication, misinterpretation, misunderstanding, misjudgement, misconception?
How do we communicate those difficult feelings?
Arguments hurt because when we argue we forget to be loving and the partner is not responding in a loving way… and we both are hurting because we DO NOT FEEL LOVED.
Writing out your negative feelings is an excellent way to become aware of how unloving you may sound.
There are so many techniques and I want to remind you about one of them. it’s called “The Love Letters”.
1. Write a Love Letter expressing your feelings of anger, sadness, fear, regret, and love.
2. Write a Response Letter expressing what you want to hear from your partner.
3. Share your Love Letter and Response Letter with your partner. (You also can choose not to share)
The Love Letter Technique is quite flexible. You may choose to do all three steps, or you may only need to do one or two of them. For example, you might practice steps one and two in order to feel more centred and loving and then have a verbal conversation with your partner without being overwhelmed with resentment or blame. At other times you may choose to do all three steps and share your Love Letter and Response Letter with your partner.
This technique gives you an opportunity to shift your thinking and go from your past (memories) into the future (you imagine that your partner is communicating those nice words to you when you are writing the Letter of Response).
Anything you put in the future creates a future memory. Your future is exactly how you create it. You have to be the initiator of the change.
And remember, the only time you can change something is now.
If you have questions, concerns, comments, or if you want to get to know more, please do not hesitate getting in touch with me. I will walk you through it all.
Your Empowerment Angel
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